Recipe for Insanity

peyton-sawyer-peyton-sawyer-5045719-720-576Reading is an old hobby she had abandoned even though she still prides herself with the knowledge of literary writers like George Elliot, Mark Twain, Stephen King and a few others. She loves the way she silences her audience whenever she shares her extensive knowledge gotten from these books. They listen with hidden envy at how she lets their names, titles, and quotations roll out of her mouth with ease as though she were explaining the simple act of making moi-moi. Indeed, reading is a past hobby she loved but that’s all it is to her now, the past. Continue reading

My Chosen Exile

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I stand at the airport nervous as I watch my bag pass through the screening machine and flashes of scenes from Banged up Abroad and UKBA pass through my mind. I wonder if the Ori (Shea Butter) in my bag will be found illegal and confiscated or if they will mistake the bean flour my mother made me take for cocaine and I will have to go through a drug test or worse, bend my butt and spread them cheeks for a closer inspection in a private room. I think one of the airport’s security guards notice as he asks me if I’m alright and tells me to ‘please’ remove my muffler as I pass through the metal detector. I notice his beautiful green eyes and I’m suddenly unable to trust his politeness.

I’m waiting for my next flight and the same sharp headache I’ve been having for days return but this time with different thoughts. A girl in purple and blonde braids and a British accent approaches me to make inquiries about her flight, I reply her with my Nigerian accent and she gives a knowing smile and proceeds to say, “How you dey nau?” which leads to further discussions Continue reading

I AM COMPLETELY PERPLEXED BY…

The Dictionary of Contemporary English defines “Perplexed” as to be confused or worried by something that you do not understand. So we can translate this article to mean that, I am always baffled, confused, and always amazed by my society. Let me explain to you some of these things.

Even though I have eyes, I can’t stare freely at objects. My first visit to the famous Lagos’ Balogun market was trailed with advice from my friend which went like this, “Don’t stare too long at goods” and “Don’t stand too long in one spot”. By ‘too long’ he meant, ‘Don’t look at a good for more than 2 seconds’. The consequence for doing this is being crowded by prospective sellers and sometimes kidnapped by being dragged to their stores for a free showcase of other goods they ‘feel’ you may be interested in. I didn’t want to deal with that so I tried not to ‘stare too long’ or ‘stand too long’ throughout my stay there. Continue reading

The Christian Feminist; An Oxymoron

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Months back, I was supposed to meet up with a friend to discuss the future of a certain project we had been assigned to carry out. The meeting was scheduled for 1 pm but I found myself sitting and waiting till 3 pm before my supposed partner showed up. Now, his excuse was that he had forgotten something at home and had to rush back to get it. On a normal day, that’s no big deal but I was upset. Let it be known that I had called him several times and he kept saying ‘I am close, give me 5 minutes’. Of course, I was not stupid to think he will make it in 5 minutes time so I called back every 20 minutes and he gave me the same response. When he finally arrived and I expressed how upset I was, he kept laughing and saying, ‘just forget it now, shebi I am here”. I refused to let it go and kept asking why he had to lie about being close instead of saying he had forgotten something. His reply this time was unbearable; “why are you angry like this, don’t you know you are a WOMAN?!”. Continue reading