Notes and Lapses

It’s that time of the day when people tell their colleagues “See you tomorrow Ashley” and text that special friend messages like; “Still have plans for tonight?”. I write this sitting on my kitchen counter, legs folded like a Buddhist, one leg of my sock is almost off, nibbling on a fried chicken while taking turns between wiping my hands and typing, I’m dressed in my pyjamas and the fire alarm is blaring. Continue reading

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My Chosen Exile

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I stand at the airport nervous as I watch my bag pass through the screening machine and flashes of scenes from Banged up Abroad and UKBA pass through my mind. I wonder if the Ori (Shea Butter) in my bag will be found illegal and confiscated or if they will mistake the bean flour my mother made me take for cocaine and I will have to go through a drug test or worse, bend my butt and spread them cheeks for a closer inspection in a private room. I think one of the airport’s security guards notice as he asks me if I’m alright and tells me to ‘please’ remove my muffler as I pass through the metal detector. I notice his beautiful green eyes and I’m suddenly unable to trust his politeness.

I’m waiting for my next flight and the same sharp headache I’ve been having for days return but this time with different thoughts. A girl in purple and blonde braids and a British accent approaches me to make inquiries about her flight, I reply her with my Nigerian accent and she gives a knowing smile and proceeds to say, “How you dey nau?” which leads to further discussions Continue reading

How To NOT Be A Nigerian: The Spirit of Compromise

No Nigerian arrangement is permanent unless that which has been arrived at by negotiated compromise.

– Peter Enahoro, 1966.

About half a century ago, Peter Enahoro published a book titled; How To Be A Nigerian. I feel privileged to be among the few in my generation to possess this book and I am grateful to my beloved friend Chikaodili for its gift. It is a book laced with comedy and embarrassing but undeniable truths. What I find amusing is Continue reading