The Law is an Ass

I belong to the generation whose major news source is the internet; twitter to be specific. Not because newspapers are extinct or reading online is tedious but because I like to multitask. So, I want to be able to laugh at a cat video and seconds later mumble over a presidential comment. Continue reading

How To NOT Be A Nigerian: The Spirit of Compromise

No Nigerian arrangement is permanent unless that which has been arrived at by negotiated compromise.

– Peter Enahoro, 1966.

About half a century ago, Peter Enahoro published a book titled; How To Be A Nigerian. I feel privileged to be among the few in my generation to possess this book and I am grateful to my beloved friend Chikaodili for its gift. It is a book laced with comedy and embarrassing but undeniable truths. What I find amusing is Continue reading

I AM COMPLETELY PERPLEXED BY…

The Dictionary of Contemporary English defines “Perplexed” as to be confused or worried by something that you do not understand. So we can translate this article to mean that, I am always baffled, confused, and always amazed by my society. Let me explain to you some of these things.

Even though I have eyes, I can’t stare freely at objects. My first visit to the famous Lagos’ Balogun market was trailed with advice from my friend which went like this, “Don’t stare too long at goods” and “Don’t stand too long in one spot”. By ‘too long’ he meant, ‘Don’t look at a good for more than 2 seconds’. The consequence for doing this is being crowded by prospective sellers and sometimes kidnapped by being dragged to their stores for a free showcase of other goods they ‘feel’ you may be interested in. I didn’t want to deal with that so I tried not to ‘stare too long’ or ‘stand too long’ throughout my stay there. Continue reading

MADAME TAXI DRIVER

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As a child, my mother always advised me to study hard because there are limited types of job a woman can do to survive in this world. I guess what she meant was, if I don’t study, I won’t get a good white collar job and if I don’t get a good white collar job, I will turn to business or a menial job for survival and  while a man can engage in any type of business and menial work, a woman is limited to just a few. In summary, Men always have an upper hand. I can say she was not far from the truth because if you look around today, the men are taking over the formerly known ‘feminine jobs’ like hairdressers, tailors, and cooks.

While in Port Harcourt, I encountered several salons which were owned and run by men. Out of maybe 8 stylists, only 1 would be a lady and unfortunately, the guys will even out do her in the skill. There was a time when I  trusted male hairdressers than the female ones because the male ones just so happened to be excellent at what they did and they didn’t pry much into your personal life, unlike the females. Same goes for Tailoring. While at the University, my tailor was a man and he sewed so many admirable gowns for me (Oshey, Mr. Thomas). Now, a woman who isn’t fortunate enough is left to compete with these men in what’s suppose to be her niche. Continue reading

The Christian Feminist; An Oxymoron

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Months back, I was supposed to meet up with a friend to discuss the future of a certain project we had been assigned to carry out. The meeting was scheduled for 1 pm but I found myself sitting and waiting till 3 pm before my supposed partner showed up. Now, his excuse was that he had forgotten something at home and had to rush back to get it. On a normal day, that’s no big deal but I was upset. Let it be known that I had called him several times and he kept saying ‘I am close, give me 5 minutes’. Of course, I was not stupid to think he will make it in 5 minutes time so I called back every 20 minutes and he gave me the same response. When he finally arrived and I expressed how upset I was, he kept laughing and saying, ‘just forget it now, shebi I am here”. I refused to let it go and kept asking why he had to lie about being close instead of saying he had forgotten something. His reply this time was unbearable; “why are you angry like this, don’t you know you are a WOMAN?!”. Continue reading