Good Father, Bad Husband

Just finished watching season 4 of ‘Mara and Clara’ (Yes, I watch it too. Don’t judge…) I could not help but notice the two sides of David; the kind and protective way he treats his real daughter Clara and the mean and abusive way he treats his wife Susan. It got me thinking; is a bad husband capable of being a good father?

It is easy and logical to say that a good husband is automatically a good father but to say a man is a good father and a bad husband seems illogical and disturbing.

You will agree with me that a man who abuses his wife and humiliates her in front of his kids is definitely not being a good example and is therefore not a good a father. On the other hand, a man who is always distant and cheats on his wife could just be suffering a major setback in his marriage but that doesn’t stop him from being his child’s hero, provider, and mentor. Some kids grow up with fathers like this and they have no idea what a bad husband he’s been to their mother. Permit me to say, but that’s a more acceptable thing.

Adult relationships are complicated and tough to understand as children, hence, a mother telling a child about all the gory details of her marriage can be harmful. It destroys the relationship between the father and child especially if the child had always looked up to his dad before now. You can’t begin to imagine how disappointed that child will be, he will be resentful and the need to adhere to his father’s advice will be lost no matter how good they are. The woman here has just succeeded in breaking her home further apart.

However, if such details must be shared with your child, ensure that the reason is really important like when considering a divorce or separation. Otherwise, please wait till the child becomes an adult. That way, he will have a better understanding and he will even end up respecting you for being a strong, considerate and loving mother.

However complicated and devastating a marriage, your relationship with the father of your kids should stay private; It is yours and their relationship is theirs. Don’t mix it up.

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24 thoughts on “Good Father, Bad Husband

  1. You said it already. Let the business of parents remain theirs so as to avoid stories that touch lol. Nice piece tho

    • I totally love this piece. I agree with you to some extent tho. In a situation whEre the woman is totally devasted and even ashamed of sharing such problems with outsiders *we all know how women Roll, your story will now be the gist after the C.W.O meeting* but she has this close relationship with one of her kids, is she to wallow in pain? I sha need to know who Daddy really is. I don’t think I want to have it in mind for the reSt of my life that mummy was the reason we moved out of the good life in maitama to squat in a bungalow in Nyanya. I don’t want to frown when mummy comes for my visiting day and jump when its daddy’s turn to visit me. Only to realize, prolly years after her death, that she was the actual Hero who died without no Love. Husband, nothing! Child kwa, nothing! That’s painful. I want to love who deserves to be loved. No senTiments. Daalu!

      • Deemma u jst hve to be hysterical..lol. but u hve a big point. I think d paramount thing here is not to spoil d father-child relationship esp wen d child is exactly wat we call him/her….a child. But wen he/she comes of age, den I think its very ok to let him/her on some of d realities of ur marriage. However u do it, nvr thwart d child’s love for dier father…evn if he wz a monster to u as long as u see he truly loves nd cares for d child.
        P.S: No one deserves to grow up without either of dier parents.

        • @Umenne Well said. You took the words out of my mouth but let’s also remember that age doesn’t mean maturity. As such, the child may be in his/her 20s but still in capable of handling the truth so thread gently Momma.

      • @Deemma I like your view about the topic. Different from mine but not bad. However, I don’t think destroying his image will make matters better but worse even though it may seem to favour the mother, it will surely bite back some day. I hope you get my point here. lol

  2. Parents should learn how to keep their issues out of the awareness of their kids as they are still tender at heart.
    Nice write-up

  3. Nice work. But there is nothing wrong with the woman sharing some of her martial issue with one of her children, especially when it is too heavy for her. Some children can reason better than some adult.

  4. You see, it all depends on how good or bad the situation is and the maturity level of the child. For me when a woman is in an irreparably bad marriage, FLEE and let everybody know why…no be only you waka come!

  5. although i neva have watched the movie..but i like the style and thought put in it…now ur doin wah i expected u to do…keep it up

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