Just finished watching season 4 of ‘Mara and Clara’ (Yes, I watch it too. Don’t judge…) I could not help but notice the two sides of David; the kind and protective way he treats his real daughter Clara and the mean and abusive way he treats his wife Susan. It got me thinking; is a bad husband capable of being a good father?
It is easy and logical to say that a good husband is automatically a good father but to say a man is a good father and a bad husband seems illogical and disturbing.
You will agree with me that a man who abuses his wife and humiliates her in front of his kids is definitely not being a good example and is therefore not a good a father. On the other hand, a man who is always distant and cheats on his wife could just be suffering a major setback in his marriage but that doesn’t stop him from being his child’s hero, provider, and mentor. Some kids grow up with fathers like this and they have no idea what a bad husband he’s been to their mother. Permit me to say, but that’s a more acceptable thing.
Adult relationships are complicated and tough to understand as children, hence, a mother telling a child about all the gory details of her marriage can be harmful. It destroys the relationship between the father and child especially if the child had always looked up to his dad before now. You can’t begin to imagine how disappointed that child will be, he will be resentful and the need to adhere to his father’s advice will be lost no matter how good they are. The woman here has just succeeded in breaking her home further apart.
However, if such details must be shared with your child, ensure that the reason is really important like when considering a divorce or separation. Otherwise, please wait till the child becomes an adult. That way, he will have a better understanding and he will even end up respecting you for being a strong, considerate and loving mother.
However complicated and devastating a marriage, your relationship with the father of your kids should stay private; It is yours and their relationship is theirs. Don’t mix it up.